he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
