We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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