So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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