You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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