I CAN MOONWALK!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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