i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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