shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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