So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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