I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
