high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
