think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
