its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
nutella sex= disaster
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
