so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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