You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
