i think my mom watched the whole time
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
