My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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