***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
