I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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