Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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