Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
