We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize