Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
