nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
