Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
