i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
