Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
