My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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