you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
