Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
