Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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