don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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