Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
