woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
