Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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