so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
