She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
