On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
People in love make me want to vomit
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Randomize
