I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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