i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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