once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
