Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
