you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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