You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
