He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
