She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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