i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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