i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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