The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
