It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
