my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
