it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
