I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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