update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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