That's intense
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
