he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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