the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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