Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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