i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
