i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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