If that was your dad, he is hot
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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