My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
