My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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