mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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