Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
