What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
