god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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