it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
