Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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