those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
