Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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