I am spending my child support on dildos
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
