Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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