Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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