We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
