I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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