the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
